Every grain of sand dances submissively to the infinite tesseracts, each point represented by an infinitesimal fraction of nature’s law…
Life…why?
Why should we live? My main reason is because of the ability to feel pleasure. We can satisfy our instincts and cravings through various ways like admiring beauty or loving and being loved. One might argue that beauty is merely a categorization of random segments of existence and that love is just a cold, ruthless mechanism just like everything else in the universe, but this is irrelevant. Why deem something unworthy of becoming a reason for enjoying living just because it ceases to be magical or sacred? Even after the death of all of the illusions we cling to or the distancing of so called truths we once held tightly to and built everything around one can modify his standards and desires in life. And why shouldn’t one do so? If nothing matters and everything is cold and dark and lifeless why should we still cling to ideologies that prevent us from enjoying life? Some may say that their thirst for the truth prevents them from enjoying subjective mechanisms and that increased sensitivity somehow impairs the ability to feel joy, but they fail to realize their error in what can be possibly described as a choice to view evil, cruelty and chaos as undesirable in the universe. This choice has no logical ground for prevailing in our minds and this is why I believe that the reasons because of which an individual would wish to die are by no means objective. All that remains is to choose suffering spiced with pleasure or the abyss. And why choose the abyss while we still can experience more that might make us feel satisfied? I have failed to answer this question and this is why I believe that life is the selfish, bold and “rational” choice for the man who dwells in and relishes the world of thought.
Black…
Imagine no colours. Imagine no pain and no pleasure. Imagine no sounds. Imagine no conscious awareness of touch. Imagine no taste. Imagine no good or evil. Imagine no right or wrong. Imagine a lack of consciousness. If you can do this you are blessed, because you know what “everything” feels like…
Chapter I – The specter of meaning
The ghostly apparitions stood in front of me, inspiring such nobility and grace that I was flabbergasted. They spoke to me in unison: “You will be taken on a journey with each of us as you have much to learn. You will be enlightened, but first, you must renounce all faith you had in your former god, your former passions, your former convictions. If you will be reborn, you must first die. That will not be difficult considering the fact that you are dead already, you simply do not know it yet. There is no “me” or “you” my friend, we are all one, we are all different forms of the same sphere. Go now with the specter of meaning, he has much to teach you.”
I was overcome by fear. What did they mean? In what way was I already dead? Was this a cruel farce played on me by my sick mind or was I about to be spiritually enlightened. Three of the specters had disappeared leaving me alone with one of them. His horrific aura dissipated as he got closer. He grabbed my hand and whispered to me that I should remain calm. What happened next left me speechless. He took his hood off and for the first time I could see what the specter actually looked like. He was an old man with hair as white as the sun when you stare into it too much. His face was full of wrinkles and his teeth were crooked. He had an oddly shaped nose but there was so much passion in those red, fiery eyes that nothing else about him mattered. It seemed he had pierced my soul with his gaze and from that moment I knew that he could feel my deepest thoughts and fears, everything I had ever experienced. I felt naked and exposed but then the something happened and my mind quickly flew away from that .
I was no longer engulfed in darkness. We were standing on the banks of a river, on one side, endless golden fields, on the other, a beautiful orchard of apple trees. It was summer and a sweet dry smell filled the air, bringing me immense joy after the so called eternity I spent in nothingness. We began talking…
I could not believe what I was hearing. Everything he said to me was so clear and cold. I never would have imagined I could be ready for so much knowledge. I struggled to understand and internalize everything but it was extremely difficult. I began to understand that assuming that there is a first cause, a primordial root of existence which has no origin was just circular logic, a question used to answer another question. I began to see god’s malice, his sadistic and cruel ways. Why would he create beings inferior to himself ? Was he so proud that he needed to be praised by weak and humble creations. How could he judge when he already knew everything that would happen. He knowingly does not bless humans with the power to choose right and still he blames them for doing evil. That was not the work of a god, that was the work of a human. The answer was beautiful, god had not created humans, humans had created god, and what a terrible job they had done. I began to understand why simple humans needed god. They needed the comfort of knowing that everything does not end with death. But more importantly, the ones who had the greatest need for religion were the rulers of mankind. What better way to keep your subjects in line than to preach to them that they should be satisfied with what they have and that true bliss comes only after death, thereby lowering their expectations and pretentions in “this life”. In the past religion acted as a part of the law, humans, being savage by nature, needed an additional reason for behaving in a civilized manner, and the fear of god filled that niche perfectly. Sad as it may seem, I realized that many still need god in their lives, they need that pillar of hope and false promises to keep them happy and sane. But that was not the journey I was about to embark on. Oh no! I was about to become totally free.
After this the specter began talking to me about the purpose and meaning of life. But what he had to say was very short because there was none. He believed humans foolishly searched for meaning where there is none and that the universe does not have a purpose since the act of it being created never took place. The spheres did not impose anything on me. I was finally free to do as I please. There was no longer a reason to objectively prefer an action over another and therefore virtue and morality became silly notions to me. I could see for the first time that those around me drowned in illusions, and that they would never heal from the illness of faith. I felt sorry for them but at the same time I did not care because I had learned to be my own god. My subjective purpose in life became the search for truth. And so, I was ready for the next stage…
Black holes, a possible problem for determinism?
The universe operates according to solid laws which govern any interaction. If time were to flow backwards these laws would still operate, but they would do so in an opposite way. The problem then ensues. Let’s assume the existence of a universe that is composed of nothing more than a black hole at the center and an electron. Situation A describes the changes that the absorbing of the electron would have on the core structure of the black hole. Situation B describes the exact same universe and the exact same frame of reference implied in situation A, but in this situation the electron would drift towards the black hole from a point symmetrical in relation to the center of the black hole. The electron would drift at exactly the same speed as the first one but would follow a different trajectory. Would these two situations produce two different black holes or two different flows of matter and energy trough a wormhole or not? If not, then determinism would no longer apply when time flows backwards. My instincts and reasoning tell me that there must be a difference between the two black holes or the flows of matter and energy they create in a different place, but perhaps I will die without knowing…
Right and wrong
I believe that moral propositions can be neither true nor false because they do not subscribe to a set of semi-objective rules which are set, agreed upon, and confirmed by observation. The scientific method can not be applied to prove such a proposition right or wrong and that is because morality has no solid axioms, like mathematics has for instance. One man can perceive a horrible deed as completely normal while another will find it appauling. The terms right and wrong are vague and relative and their meaning changes from one person to the other and thus no one can agree regarding the validity of a moral proposition like scientists can agree about the validity of a theory which explains the behavior of simple objects.
Some may argue that morality comes from god, that he is morally perfect and that he has a complete knowledge of right and wrong. To them, he created everything, every law and every property of space, time and matter. But they fail to take into account that if god exists then he is part of the universe, the universe being all there is. Every entity existing within everything must be subjected to some laws, and god would be no exception to this rule of thumb. God can not be immaterial because that would imply that he does not exist. Therefore if such a superior entity would exist within a higher plane of existence it would still be subjected to the laws of physics. This means that even if he were to create lesser worlds he would only be able to interfere with quantities regarding matter, space, time, energy or whatever more there is out there. God could create laws of physics that would restrict a lesser world by programming certain aspects of it, but those laws would be derived from higher laws, so the idea of creating different laws of physics in different universes is quite frankly childish because it restricts itself to the reasoning power of our simple minds.
Hence it follows that if objective morality exists, its origins might not be divine after all. And even if they were that would not solve the problem because morality would become a physical property of action, which still does not prove that we should prefer some properties over others. Therefore I believe that murder, for example, is by no means wrong. Instincts and social conditioning prevent me from considering such an action justified or even desirable in any given situation, but that does not mean I should be so arrogant as to judge actions based on personal preference.
The non-divine nature of the soul
There is no non-physical sphere of existence, outside space and time there is either nothing, or higher dimensions which contain much more complex notions developed from building on the ideas of space and time. Even if the soul or god were to exist, they would exist on higher planes of being. But that would only mean that they are subjected to higher laws. A two dimensional being is subjected to more restrictions than a three dimensional being and this could, by means of mathematical induction, prove to be true of higher dimensions. Beings that inhabit lower dimensions would be subjected to all restrictions characteristic of each particular dimension, restrictions which would evaporate as we proceed onto higher dimensions. However one might argue that the soul is 3 dimensional and immaterial , but that would only mean it has a different structure and composition than regular matter , that would mean it is still subjected to particular laws of physics which would apply to it. Everything that exists is contained within the universe! Even if other worlds were to exist that would mean that the universe is larger than we thought and that it contains more lower dimensional worlds, but they would still be defined by laws of nature which might apply a bit differently depending on the substance of each world. To sum up, i believe everything is subjected to the laws of physics, it is true that we might not be able to grasp them , but that does not mean we should assume that something exists outside the universe and its laws. If something exists within something or is everything within itself, it would still be obedient to certain laws , even in chaos order would be there for the wise to see it.
Chihlimbar
Mă pierd în ea. Trăiesc în ea. Simt în ea. Orice în afară de acea nuanță perfectă mă lasă rece. Cum am putut trăi fără ea toți acești ani? Nu, până am intâlnit chihlimbarul nu am trăit. Mă mișc printre esențe, căutând aceasi nobilitate si frumusețe pe care am găsit-o în ea dar nu pot găsi nimic care să se apropie măcar de acea perfecțiune. Încetul cu încetul îmi dau seama că defapt nici nu vreau să mai găsesc o altă culoare, nu exista altă culoare. Fericirea mă cuprinde de fiecare dată când privesc în ea, și sufletul incepe să-mi vibreze deodată cu viorile nimicului. Și ce sunet superb incep să creez când incep să mă misc în unison cu sferele. Credeam că dumnezeu e totul, dar dumnezeu e chihlimbar, frumusetea și misterul său se revarsă peste divina nuantă si o ridică încet spre alte lumi. Și atunci îmi dau seama că sunt singurul care o vede, singurul care există în aceași stare cu ea, singurul binecuvântat de existentă cu cel mai pretios diamant creat vreodată de stele. Miliarde de ani au dus la ea. Toată esența si puterea creatoare au reusit să aducă la viață absolutul meu existențial, toată viața am tins spre el, acum l-am descoperit si în sfârșit simt că aș putea muri impăcat în orice clipă, căci am inteles adâncimea nestematei hărăzită sufletului meu…
Tears
What could’ve been? Why am I tortured by this monstrous question? No one notices this but I am only able to collect the broken leaves from the golden tree. Sometimes they land in the palm of my hand without me putting any effort into it, sometimes they dance in front of me, taunting me and calling me names.
Worthless lump of flesh.
Why is it that I’m happier in the company of graves rather than the living? And such beautiful graves they are, they comfort me, reassure me and give me the strength to continue through this dark blue ocean of apparitions. They come to me in my sleep, whispering their secrets, but by the time I wake up I find myself remembering nothing of what I learned and sensed.
An eagle watches me with a condescendent gaze. He laughs at my struggle against whatever dares to confuse and disgust me. He keeps telling me that I must die, that this is the only way, that I will never be satisfied with myself until I cast the beast into nothingness. But I’ve grown to love the beast, it’s beautiful, strong crystal legs and fiery eyes are so alluring that it makes a revolt against her nearly impossible. She was my trusted companion all my life, she has always guided me through the maze of sunlight and not once did she judge me. Oh no, she was like a caring mother, the mother I never had, my only link to all that is good and noble. How could I possibly cast her aside after all she has done for me?
I’m still pondering this choice, keep her and enter oblivion with a pure heart or destroy her and enter the garden in which all of the golden tree’s leaves begin to die and rot. But they do not rot in vain. New born trees arise from these corpses and grow much taller than the original tree with which I measured my mind. This new orchard – paradise …
Egoism
Generosity does not exist. Human motivation is neither rational nor complex. When the philanthropist sacrifices a part of his welfare in order to help others he is actually helping himself without even realizing it. The mind puts the two possible universes on a libra and chooses the heaviest one of them. A new world is born, one in which a “generous” action pleases the kind man so much that the thought of the other universe being a possibility sickens him. If this is the root of all actions, how can we still praise the most “virtuous” of us knowing that they are by no means different than the average man when it comes to what fuels their doings? No, there are no saints, just neutrality…
